It's Sunday night and I'm getting ready to go to the Alpha Privative First Church of Atheistic Indulgence. It's the first day of services and I want to tell you readers that I'm pumped up and ready to holler.
The "pastors" are Tom Foolerie and his lovely wife, Folly. At my request, and for the chance to make it into my devotional, he sent me the bulletin for me to share with you.
We start with our signature song,"Imagine" by John Lennon.
Then we go right into "With a Little Luck" by Paul McCartney.
That is followed by "Hakuna Matata" from The Lion King.
Next on the list is "Jumping Jack Flash" then "The Theme from Rawhide" and finishing off with "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga.
We all drink whiskey or bourbon while Pastor Tom Foolerie takes the podium and lectures on "The Gifts That Evolution Brings". That is his "sermon" for the week. Folly takes the podium after he steps down and does an interpretive dance number that demonstrates primordial soup to human being in less than twenty minutes. Amazing stuff.
Then we break into small groups and plan crimes of passion.
There will be a square dance and a buffet while an overhead projector shows slides of Madalyn Murray O'Hair's X-rays.
We all join hands at the end of the service and sing "Livin' La Vita Loca".
It promises to be an interesting evening for those who will attend. A door prize will be offered each week. This week the door prize will be an atheistic card deck (there is no King of Hearts) and a chance to talk to Richard Dawkins on Skype.
We offer free ministry licences to any atheist who asks.
That's the way we roll here at the Alpha Privative First Church of Atheistic Indulgence. Not being there is also okay because it symbolizes non-existence.
If you come...bring money. We need to build a vomitorium.