Dear Mr. Amos,
I am depressed, melancholy and a little heavyhearted right now. You see, my best friend, Kenny Lumpkin, is now a member of Rob Bell's church. He also stole seven grand from me and left the mustard out when he last visited. I live in on the tenth floor of an apartment building so don't tell me to build a stupid barn!
Thanks for your advice in advance,
Harvey Topeka
Dear Harvey,
I know not who this Rob Bell fellow is but, names mean something. And who could trust someone who "steals a metal object shaped like an upside down cup that makes a noise when its sides are hit with a metal piece inside it"? Don't worry, friend... I will build a tiny barn out of Lincoln Logs and have it delivered to your address by horse and buggy. You can thank me later.
Dear Amish Dude,
My boss is always critical of every employee at the Burger Palace. We are short-handed and can't clean a table fast enough for him. In between making fries and burgers, he expects us to clean the ice cream machine or sweep the floor. If someone drops a bun or a tomato, he acts like we've stolen his wallet! What can we do to get him off our backs?
Johnny Rocket
Dear John,
The best thing you and your co-workers can do in this situation is to build him a barn.
Brother Amos,
I read your column on the Digital Wagon Path Website and would like to ask you a question concerning relationships. My in-laws seem to be a little unfriendly towards me when my wife and I visit them. I have been married now for six months and don't quite know how to handle this situation. What can I do to win them over?
Concerned
Dear Concerned,
The best thing you can do in a situation like that is to build them a barn.
