When the Lord closes a door he opens a window. But be careful.
"Breakin' into Calvinistic Cartoons Headquarters ain't as easy as you thought it would be, is it?"
Just sit there till he's finished the speech, then when they start playing "Just as I am", you go up to the front,make your decision and pray the prayer. Oh, and don't forget to fill in the card before you come back out the window...You can do it...
Pastor Smith: "I knew someone was adding those Calvinist points to my sermon notes, but I never expected it was you, Deacon Bob!"
"Corky Velveeta said you were gonna try somethin' like this, Benny Finney. What I wanna know is how you got past the tulips guarding the front door..."
The sheriff wanted to shoot the brazen intruder right there in the house. Unfortunately, the carpet had just been cleaned, which left him only one option: to lie in wait.
"Well Mr. Caner, fancy finding you here in Texas""Blasted Calvinists!"
"Excuse me, mister, but seldom do honest theologians exit a church in that manner."
"Hold it right there, boy! When Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart, you can't go out the window!"
"Hold it right there, parson! You didn't give an altar call...Get back in there!"
"Feeling a little convicted, eh? Well, if you don't start saying the sinner's prayer, sinner boy, then you're going to feel a lot more than just 'convicted'!"
"Oh, couldn't take any more, eh? Well, buster, get back in there and listen to Sister Susie's rendition of I Have Decided to Follow Jesus, see, or else!"
From Keeping Your Church Fiscally Sound Method #7 - How to collect tithes from parishioners who duck out during the offertory.
Getting the congregation to go green while escaping in your private jet, eh, wise guy?
"Nobody leaves this meeting without giving their testimony!"
lol @ the Squirrel
"I see, the altar call too long for you, eh?"
"You're gonna come out with us to win souls fer Jesus, or you're gonna be sitting on your blessed assurance for quite some time..."
Ha! You can't shoot me in the back, and I ain't turning around fer ya! Thou shalt not kill an unuarmed escaping arminian!