Man in tub: "Back, Calvinist, back! I've been in this water all day to cleanse myself from your presence earlier...Now I shall have to spend an extra hour in this thing!"
Calvinist: "Umm, sir, I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed our conversation earlier..."
Deacon: Pastor, why are you in the baptistry shirtless and with a typewriter?
Pastor: I'm shirtless in order to be relevant to my audience. I have a typewriter so I can record the number of baptisms immediately...afterall, I'm southern baptist.
Last night I started watching an old Film Noir movie called "Laura" from 1944. What do you know, the opening scene showed Vincent Price sitting in this same bath tub with this same typewriter! I thought, that looks mighty familiar . . .
Senior Pastor Lips B. Flappin' kept trying to explain his sermon prep process to his young associate pastor, Stan D. Yertruthyground, but in the end the only thing he could do was show him.
"So, for this baptism to count I have to go all the way under?"
ReplyDelete"Brother Jared, I thought you said that this Sunday school class would be full if I did this?" Pragmatic preachers will never learn!
ReplyDeleteBrother Moe, I don't think self-baptism is taught in the Bible.
ReplyDelete"I'm sorry, Pastor," Deacon Bob exclaimed, "but I just can't let you preach your 'Adam & Eve in the Garden' sermon in period costume!"
ReplyDeleteMan in tub: "Back, Calvinist, back! I've been in this water all day to cleanse myself from your presence earlier...Now I shall have to spend an extra hour in this thing!"
ReplyDeleteCalvinist: "Umm, sir, I just wanted to tell you that I enjoyed our conversation earlier..."
No! Towels only come with FIVE points. This isn't a negotiation.
ReplyDeleteSee this? This is a typology of being immersed in your heretical doctrine! Ha!
ReplyDeleteYou are not all the way in until you are all the way under!
ReplyDeleteI don't care if they ARE from the Sea of Galilee. Get these fish out of my bath.
ReplyDelete(The stress of preaching freewill affects yet another pastor)
ReplyDelete"Who are you strange man in suit, and where have you beamed here from? And stop looking at me like that!"
Deacon: Pastor, why are you in the baptistry shirtless and with a typewriter?
ReplyDeletePastor: I'm shirtless in order to be relevant to my audience. I have a typewriter so I can record the number of baptisms immediately...afterall, I'm southern baptist.
Pastor Ben Duncan goes to the city to visit the baptistery outlet showroom and see some of the latest accessories.
ReplyDeleteI wish I were good at captions, but there are some great ones here! I laughed out loud at Mr. Pemberton's and Mr. Boyd's! :D
ReplyDeleteI think the water being agitated has more to do with the chili you had for dinner than a miracle.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Great there Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteLast night I started watching an old Film Noir movie called "Laura" from 1944. What do you know, the opening scene showed Vincent Price sitting in this same bath tub with this same typewriter! I thought, that looks mighty familiar . . .
ReplyDeleteSenior Pastor Lips B. Flappin' kept trying to explain his sermon prep process to his young associate pastor, Stan D. Yertruthyground, but in the end the only thing he could do was show him.
ReplyDeleteafter a heated debate over immersion or sprinkling, baptist pastor decides to demonstrate
ReplyDelete