"Guess what, dear? The children and I just discovered Calvinistic Cartoons! Guess what else? We're sending the link in a mass e-mail to all our Arminian friends!"
Hello, counseling office? I need an appointment for my son Calvin Joseph and daughter Armini. It just seems they can't get along! Yesterday, she wished he had never been born, and he said he was destined for greatness. I knew his father never should have bought him that colorful coat!
Well, if this isn't the juiciest tidbit of information that has come over the prayer chain in a long time. Positively scandalous!____No, I'm here alone.
"Thanks so much, Pastor Joel! Your Best Teeth Now toothpaste works wonders. In fact I need to get my sunglasses. The glare from little Suzie's smile is giving me a headache."
Hello, is this 911? I need an ambulance. My son has three of his fingers super glued to the telephone cord. I've prayed for 3 days straight but I just don't have enough faith to get him free. Be sure to tell the paramedics not to damage my cord, okay?
Mr. Timn? Why yes, he used to live in our garden. He has since passed away, so you will have to get your fancy sandwiches elsewhere. His ashes are for sale or trade, though.
Let me talk mommy... mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, let me talk mommy... I never get to talk to him, like Mary does, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy let me talk to Rob Bell
"No, our church is trying to promote a study Bible that removes Romans 9 and Ephesians 1...Yes, yes, the entire book of Romans is our next shot and don't get me started on John 6!"
In the "Top 40" race, ConstitutionGirl has her eye on the number 1 position as she steadily closes in on StrangerStrangeLand. (SamWise was distracted and took a wrong turn after spotting a Tastee Freeze outside of the track.)
Besides, I think Stranger is currently #1 only because for a time last year I was posting a lot of comments. I am bound to start dropping back soon. So, I guess you can say that I am resting on my laurels.
I will have to continue to rest on my laurels until I can afford a decent mattress. ; )
Ha ha! Mr. Boyd, I am not attracted by Tastee Freezes because I don't eat refined sugar; so perhaps there's no hope for me. ;) I should be gone for three days this week though for a conference, so I might fall back to #4 again. I don't mind. Its funny to see my name up there when all I do is comment on posts. :D
"Guess what, dear? The children and I just discovered Calvinistic Cartoons! Guess what else? We're sending the link in a mass e-mail to all our Arminian friends!"
ReplyDeleteWhy yes, we'd love another credit card. We get one every time you call. And I'd like Billy and Suzie to each have one, too.
ReplyDeleteYes we'd be thrilled to visit your church where you sing hymns right out of the hymnal and your pastor has three point alliterated sermons!
ReplyDeleteHello, counseling office? I need an appointment for my son Calvin Joseph and daughter Armini. It just seems they can't get along! Yesterday, she wished he had never been born, and he said he was destined for greatness. I knew his father never should have bought him that colorful coat!
ReplyDelete"What's that you say? Corky Velveeta is joining us for dinner tonight? Hurrah! The kids and I are thrilled!"
ReplyDelete"Hello, doctor Theo? I was wondering... if the kids and I get really, really excited about Calvinistic Cartoons, does that make us hyper-Calvinists?"
ReplyDelete"Yes dear, you'll be so excited: Jack just said the sinner's prayer! I read it to him and he did it word for word. Isn't that great?!"
ReplyDeleteWell, if this isn't the juiciest tidbit of information that has come over the prayer chain in a long time. Positively scandalous!____No, I'm here alone.
ReplyDelete"Putting Romans 9 to music as a special on Sunday? That's a wonderful idea, dear! Yes, Timmy and Sally would love to help!"
ReplyDeletefirst of all, what is wrong with her right hand?
ReplyDeleteWell, I'd better go dear......Tommy wants to tell you about what he studied in his eschatology lesson today.
ReplyDeleteYes. Milk, eggs, hamburger, and the kids want you to get a set of Baxter's commentaries.
ReplyDelete@CG: I don't know about the hand...interesting.
ReplyDelete"Thanks so much, Pastor Joel! Your Best Teeth Now toothpaste works wonders. In fact I need to get my sunglasses. The glare from little Suzie's smile is giving me a headache."
ReplyDelete"Don't worry, dear! I tore all those verses out of every Bible in the house. Susan can play powder puff football now."
ReplyDelete@Persis: Love it!
ReplyDeleteNow Mary Ellen, you know I am not one to repeat gossip...so y'all listen closely the first time!
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen, I hear that Eddie is only posting on days that end in Y... I wonder what he'll do on the other days...
No Mary Ellen, I don't think that polka dotted dress made you look fat. It was those pork rinds & potato chips that did it!
Mary Ellen, I've lost my salvation again. Did I leave it over at your house...
Why yes, Sugar. My refrigerator is runnin'...
Am I the woman of the house? Well, I'm Wesleyan Arminian so I'm not really sure of anything...
Clark,
ReplyDeleteI'd like to visit that church also...
"Mary Ellen, I've lost my salvation again. Did I leave it over at your house..."
ReplyDelete@Truthinator: Nice. :)
@Truthinator: Haha! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteHello, is this 911? I need an ambulance. My son has three of his fingers super glued to the telephone cord. I've prayed for 3 days straight but I just don't have enough faith to get him free. Be sure to tell the paramedics not to damage my cord, okay?
ReplyDeleteMr. Timn? Why yes, he used to live in our garden. He has since passed away, so you will have to get your fancy sandwiches elsewhere. His ashes are for sale or trade, though.
ReplyDeleteYes, Betty, the meatloaf was fabulous, and the kids want to thank you themselves for the Jello mold shaped like John Calvin!
ReplyDelete@Truthinator: Hahahahhahahaha!!!! Loving it!
ReplyDeleteNice work, mates. Good stuff.
Wow, guys. I would like to single out some winners but ALL of the comments so far are gr8!
ReplyDeleteLet's make Eddie chuckle some more. Who knows? Maybe he will send someone a $7000 check. Stop laughing, it could happen...
Let me talk mommy... mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, let me talk mommy... I never get to talk to him, like Mary does, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy let me talk to Rob Bell
ReplyDelete"...you say Mary Alice is an Amyraldian...my goodness. We've never had a 4-pointer at our John Calvin Memorial Ladies Auxillary before..."
ReplyDeleteBoy: Mommy, can I take Mr. Bell down the Romans Road? It's my turn to dispute a heretic. Last time Cathy talked to Mr. Osteen...
ReplyDelete"No, our church is trying to promote a study Bible that removes Romans 9 and Ephesians 1...Yes, yes, the entire book of Romans is our next shot and don't get me started on John 6!"
ReplyDelete"Yes, Libby got an "A+" on her book report. She did it on the Westminister Confession. I'm so proud!"
ReplyDelete"What, Romans 9? Sorry, Rachel, that's not in my AAA* Bible...It seems to be missing. That's OK, though, I'm sure it was predestined to happen..."
ReplyDelete* Arminians Are Awesome.
Truthinator - thats MY church!
ReplyDeletemike - sinners prayer? word for word? That MUST have done it! Don't know whether to laugh or cry.
ReplyDelete@Clark: Both would be appropriate. How sad is it that people go for these terrible heresies.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Mrs. Persis! The rest of us never stand a chance against you. :)
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's too late..........
"....Three boxes of Finney Flakes......No, no Neapolitan Tabernacle ice cream. .......Thank you, dear."
ReplyDelete"We're studying Revelation in homeschool right now dear, so could you please pick up some roast beast for dinner?"
ReplyDelete"The kids are dying to tell you about their latest discussion with Bobby the neighbor boy in the Kenosis theory, so I'd better hand you off!"
ReplyDelete"Okay, Susie, you can make the next call. My, but you two are such talented Amway salesmen!"
ReplyDelete"Hello, I need my bulk order of Romans 9 grenades shipped overnight....we are visiting an Arminian church as a mission trip."
ReplyDeleteCG, I see you've been doing your homework studying the CC archives!
ReplyDeleteNice work!
At least it wasn't the National Archives!
ReplyDeleteI simply have to agree with Mr. Dude.
ReplyDelete"Congratulations, Mrs. Persis! The rest of us never stand a chance against you. :)"
ReplyDelete@ConstitutionGirl
I agree. Persis has always set a high standard of clever humor for the rest of us to aim at.
Ever since I started writing comments here, I have had 2 goals:
1. To equal, or top, Persis (Pilgrim Mommy) in coming up with a funny caption.
2. To make Eddie burst out laughing while he is taking a gulp of his favorite beverage.
In the "Top 40" race, ConstitutionGirl has her eye on the number 1 position as she steadily closes in on StrangerStrangeLand. (SamWise was distracted and took a wrong turn after spotting a Tastee Freeze outside of the track.)
ReplyDeleteOh, Mr. Boyd, I don't know. Truthinator seems to be neck and neck with you most of the time. I think I was #1 for about three minutes today though.
ReplyDeleteConstitutionGirl. Yes, I saw that. It was probably when StrangerStrangeLand was also lured off the track by the Tastee Freeze.
ReplyDeleteBut right now, as I type, CG is in second place, only four lengths behind no. 1.
I can't stand the suspense.
Besides, I think Stranger is currently #1 only because for a time last year I was posting a lot of comments. I am bound to start dropping back soon. So, I guess you can say that I am resting on my laurels.
ReplyDeleteI will have to continue to rest on my laurels until I can afford a decent mattress. ; )
Ha ha! Mr. Boyd, I am not attracted by Tastee Freezes because I don't eat refined sugar; so perhaps there's no hope for me. ;) I should be gone for three days this week though for a conference, so I might fall back to #4 again. I don't mind. Its funny to see my name up there when all I do is comment on posts. :D
ReplyDelete