Things Said on My Own Facebook Page!

I have a black eye in karate.

A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.

I stop my microwave at 0:01 to feel like I'm a bomb defuser.

I'm waiting for Congress to declare chocolate a vegetable. It comes from a plant.

Popcorn is probably my favorite food that explodes before you eat it.

I never win at Scrable.

I have costraphobia, the fear high prices.

The barman says "we don't serve time travellers here". A time traveller walks into a bar.

Hey, to whoever invented the zero: Thanks for nothing.

The "check engine" light came on, so I did. Yep. Still there.

"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"

High-wire artists hate it when their cable goes out.

I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.

I don't just have issues. I have a subscription.

When food falls on the floor, the Little Germs scream "Let's get it!" while the Mama Germ says "No, we must wait five seconds."

I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds But now that I have a Facebook account I'm over it

I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have Angry Bird iPhone cases.

How long do you have to work at KFC before they make you a colonel?

My brain is like a clown car for crazy ideas.