Things Said on My Own Facebook Page (Red Edition)

Lazy People Fact # 98273154904: You were too lazy to read that number.

Turns out, pounding a wooden stake through a vampire's heart works even if the guy's not a vampire.

If you're planning to teach your children the value of a dollar, you better hurry up.

Not knowing the difference between patronizing and condescending is nothing to worry your silly little self about.

The closest I get to multitasking is ignoring more than one thing at a time..

In order to catch a bus, first one must think like a bus.

When your eyes deceive you, that's fibber optics..

Apparently towels are the biggest cause of dry skin.

People say 60 is the new 40...the cop that pulled me over this morning disagreed.

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not the sharpest elevator in the sea. 

Hanging is the number one cause of death for stick figure people.

I'm not sure which pants to wear today - smarty or fancy?