Write as many paragraphs as you like using the words above.
Entries may be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or interviews.
(or any other form of creatively written expression.)
Just be funny, clever and theological...
and please give your piece a TITLE.
ABNORMAL ADVERTISEMENTS
ReplyDeleteArminian -"Have you been near a Calvinist recently? Too near, perhaps? Then buy Arminian Al's Super Soap, guaranteed to cleanse away dozens of doctrinal stenches, including "TULIP", "Wet D.O.G. (Doctrines of Grace)", and more!"
Catholic - "Are you trying to earn your salvation, but you feel like you're just not doing enough? Get ahead of the game with Pope Rope, and beat your body into total submission today! Order soon and we'll even throw in a holy shrine, free of charge!"
Harold Campingites - "Do you think the world's gonna end? Guess what... We do, too! Wanna warn your friends and neighbors? Guess what... we think you should, too! Call 1-800-RAPTURE, and order a complete set of "Judgment Day" billboard signs, all for the low price of $666!"
Another day in Paradise?
ReplyDeleteCome hither to the modern paradise road, we are totally purpose driven and promise no "Camping" out or any other supernatural experience. We will give you enough soap on a rope to clean up your act and a shrine for your own glory once you have worked all your own righteous deeds.
Sorry Eddie I am just not funny...
Very clever, Mr. P. ;) "Wet D.O.G".......bahahahaha! :D Very creative.
ReplyDelete"MIRACLE" IN BENNY FINNEY'S SHOWER
ReplyDelete(Transcript of txt msgs btwn B.F. & Flo Teeky)
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To:BF
Opnd up windows in your house to air the place out. stale air.
FT
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To:FT
Thanx. Everything okay..@:)?
BF
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To:BF
Your Elmo Soap on a Rope grew some mold. Elmo now looks just like Charles G Finney!!!
FT
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To:FT
Did you throw it out..':)?
BF
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To:BF
No. took it as a sign from above. Yu should alert the media. turn your bathroom into a shrine and lots of people will come to see the miracle.
FT
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To:FT
NO.. its against my theology. arminians DONT have shrines.!!
BF
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To:BF
I figure we could charge $10 a head for pilgrims to see it.
FT
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To:FT
Rethnking my theology
BF
Doctrinal Soap:
ReplyDeleteFrom the Armin Ian advertisement campaign.
Announcer: Are you tired of all the heresy going around?
Example On-Scree: woman running out of a church with a bunch of people chasing her.
Announcer: Have you ever caught your kids reading Martin Luther, or John Calvin behind your back?
Example On-Scree: Woman putting clothes away and finds Bondage of the Will in son's top dresser drawer. *gasp* Puts hand to her mouth.
Announcer: Do you think this is a sign of the times?
Example On-Screen: Smiling bearded man in a space helmet is swinging a rope with a lasso on the end, son is standing on the sidewalk.
Announcer: If you're tired of it then we have a product for you!
Pitch Man who remarkably resembles Benny Finney comes on screen.
BF: We've just developed one of the most potent heresy-breakers of all time: Doctrinal Soap!
Voice over: Out patented mixture is formulated to break through Calvinistic heresy wherever it may turn up, be it in your sink.
Example: Martin Luther portrait made of old food. Then wipe, *shining clean.*
BF Voice Over: In your bathtub!
Example: Mildew that looks suspiciously like John MacArthur, wiped away, *sparkling clean.*
BF Voice over: Even your kids mouth!
Example: Little girl talking, "John 6:44, 2 Timothy 1:9" word bubble pops up. Mother reaches behind and pulls out bar of soap. We see the girl with bar of soap in her mouth.
BF Returns to screen: So if you're tired of all these shrines to a 500 year old ax murdering, pyromaniac, heretic, phone now and we'll not only send you this soap, we'll include a copy of our booklet: "The John 3:16 Hermaneutic" just as free as your will! So call now!
Okay, wow, I didn't seen Corey's until halfway through writing that, that's interesting. :-)
ReplyDelete@Michael: Nice! :)
ReplyDeleteStranger wrote,
ReplyDelete-------
To:FT
Rethnking my theology
BF
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Bwahahahahahaha! That's genius!
Thanks, CG! Glad you found it amusing. :)
ReplyDeleteThree girls skipping rope:
ReplyDeleteSoap, Sign
Rope, Shrine
Pastor Bell is dressed to the nines
Sign, Soap
Shrine, Rope
Pastor Bell might run for Pope
Velvet, Wins
Elvis, Blends
Pastor Bell still hides his sins
Blanc, Mel
Don't you tell
Rob Bell says there ain't no Hell
Hey, Hey
Whatta ya say
Let's take the Bell away
Christian Junk
ReplyDeleteIt's a sign of the time that the pace of life is getting out of control. Sometimes you're so busy you have to choose between bathing and reading your BIble. But how about killing two birds with one stone?
It's Ephesians 5:26 Soap on a Rope - the only soap with recycled pages from The Message Bible pressed into tiny beads so you can wash yourself with the word and exfoliate at the same time!
Order yours today, and if you order a case by midnight tonight, we will send you your very own complimentary guardian angel shrine made of handcrafted, 100% iron pyrite plated polyvinyl chloride.
Operators are standing by.
I Saw the Shrine by Ace of Base
ReplyDeleteI saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyes
I saw the shrine
In a church backyard, with a labyrinth in it.
I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyes
I saw the shrine.
I'm trying to toss a rope to drag you back to reality.
But where do you belong?
There was a pastor with a PCUSA a church down the street. He tried some new stuff. Claimed he dreamed of heaven then came back. Then he said a cuss word, and his grandma washed his mouth with soap. Oh oh oh oh oh. He didn't get the sign.
I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyes
I saw the shrine
In a church backyard, with a labyrinth in it.
I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyes
I saw the shrine.
I'm trying to toss a rope to drag you back to reality.
But where do you belong?
@Meghan:
ReplyDeletePerfect song for your creativity!