Taking Decisional Regeneration to a deeper and more sinister level, Robert Stroud trowels the first mortar for the cornerstone of the Sovereign Grace Sepulcher, which will be used to inter all Calvinists whose deaths come as a result of refusing to choose to choose. Much of the design comes courtesy of the New Charles Finney New Measures and the Arminius-Pelagius Department of Redundancy Department.
“We’re gravely serious about the freedom to choose eternal life... and death to all those who oppose that choice!” Stroud remarked cheerfully to an enthusiastic crowd.
Or else...we might haveta send over the Deacons and they might get a little rough...ya See...and they might just make ya part of this founadtion...ya see...or ya might find yourself with some fancy boots in the bottom of Finney's pond...ya see...
Or else, as our dear Pelgian brother (?) Charles G Finney was wont to say,
"When Christians have sunk down into a low and backslidden state, they neither have, nor ought to have, nor is there reason to have, the same love and confidence toward each other, as when they are all alive, and active, and living holy lives..."
"So right now I'm low, sunk down, and backslidden so I have no reason for confidence or love for you Calvinists!"
Thanks, Eddie. I would have tried to come up with a more original name, but the guy in the photo looks so much like Burt Lancaster playing Robert Stroud in The Birdman of Alcatraz.
The one guy in the top left corner kind of looks like Bill Clinton. I almost added the comment at the end of "an enthuastice crowd, which included former president, William Jefferson Clinton, who attended the gayla festivities with his pastors, Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, and Tony Campolo."
Daniel Day Lewis returns to his Academy Award winning role as the oil-thirsty eccentric of There Will Be Blood.
Going back to the little charismatic church where he was first baptized 30 years earlier, Lewis’ character embraces the congregation’s new Arminian-fundamentalist confession of faith with zealous conviction, funding the new building project: The Temple of Free Will and Decision. This cornerstone in the “building dedication” scene has a partial inscription of the statement planned for the entrance above the building’s huge double doors: “CHOOSE ARMINIANISM… OR ELSE THERE WILL BE BLOOD!”
Deacon Jones of the free will baptist church had originally intended to witness at the cemetery with "choose Christ with your free will or die." To the end of his days Jones never realized the Calvinist stone cutter played a joke on him.
Pastor Joe Johnstone, of the First Church of Calvin, passed away yesterday at the age of 99. Seen in this photo is undertaker Willie B Diggin, sets the stone to seal Johnstone's crypt. He was heard to have said, "If only Joe had denied those teachings of grace and chosen to act in accordance with the rules of the International Church of Cheap Grace and Self will he wouldn't have died so young.
Taking Decisional Regeneration to a deeper and more sinister level, Robert Stroud trowels the first mortar for the cornerstone of the Sovereign Grace Sepulcher, which will be used to inter all Calvinists whose deaths come as a result of refusing to choose to choose. Much of the design comes courtesy of the New Charles Finney New Measures and the Arminius-Pelagius Department of Redundancy Department.
ReplyDelete“We’re gravely serious about the freedom to choose eternal life... and death to all those who oppose that choice!” Stroud remarked cheerfully to an enthusiastic crowd.
Or else...we might haveta send over the Deacons and they might get a little rough...ya See...and they might just make ya part of this founadtion...ya see...or ya might find yourself with some fancy boots in the bottom of Finney's pond...ya see...
ReplyDeleteOr else, as our dear Pelgian brother (?) Charles G Finney was wont to say,
ReplyDelete"When Christians have sunk down into a low and backslidden state, they neither have, nor ought to have, nor is there reason to have, the same love and confidence toward each other, as when they are all alive, and active, and living holy lives..."
"So right now I'm low, sunk down, and backslidden so I have no reason for confidence or love for you Calvinists!"
@ justificationbygrace...your additional episodic comment was pure GENIUS!
ReplyDelete@ Samwise...your comments help make this site fun! Keep it up brother!
Thanks, Eddie. I would have tried to come up with a more original name, but the guy in the photo looks so much like Burt Lancaster playing Robert Stroud in The Birdman of Alcatraz.
ReplyDeleteThe one guy in the top left corner kind of looks like Bill Clinton. I almost added the comment at the end of "an enthuastice crowd, which included former president, William Jefferson Clinton, who attended the gayla festivities with his pastors, Rick Warren, Joel Osteen, and Tony Campolo."
Here’s another one:
ReplyDeleteTHERE WILL BE BLOOD TOO
(a Hollywood sequel)
Daniel Day Lewis returns to his Academy Award winning role as the oil-thirsty eccentric of There Will Be Blood.
Going back to the little charismatic church where he was first baptized 30 years earlier, Lewis’ character embraces the congregation’s new Arminian-fundamentalist confession of faith with zealous conviction, funding the new building project: The Temple of Free Will and Decision. This cornerstone in the “building dedication” scene has a partial inscription of the statement planned for the entrance above the building’s huge double doors: “CHOOSE ARMINIANISM… OR ELSE THERE WILL BE BLOOD!”
...another show stopper!
ReplyDeleteDeacon Jones of the free will baptist church had originally intended to witness at the cemetery with "choose Christ with your free will or die." To the end of his days Jones never realized the Calvinist stone cutter played a joke on him.
ReplyDeletePastor Joe Johnstone, of the First Church of Calvin, passed away yesterday at the age of 99. Seen in this photo is undertaker Willie B Diggin, sets the stone to seal Johnstone's crypt. He was heard to have said, "If only Joe had denied those teachings of grace and chosen to act in accordance with the rules of the International Church of Cheap Grace and Self will he wouldn't have died so young.
ReplyDelete