tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post529633395037013934..comments2023-10-07T18:05:08.760+03:00Comments on Calvinistic Cartoons: Random Word Writing Challenge #33Eddie Eddingshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15864410680077755048noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-66712543094861068702013-05-12T11:52:47.497+03:002013-05-12T11:52:47.497+03:00Dr. Seuss? Here? What? I need more donuts!Dr. Seuss? Here? What? I need more donuts!Patrick the Policemannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-82433895482899337752013-05-12T10:42:57.432+03:002013-05-12T10:42:57.432+03:00It had to take some time
To make that rhyme
It had to take some time<br />To make that rhyme <br />Dr. Seussnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-85048908237756392882013-05-12T10:36:11.538+03:002013-05-12T10:36:11.538+03:00Fundamentalist Preacher Man
If there's one th...<br /><i>Fundamentalist Preacher Man</i><br /><br />If there's one thing I can't stand<br />It's a Fundamentalist preacher man<br />He's like acne and like cancer<br />He doesn't have no answers<br />He's just full of Calvinism and stuff<br />Yeah, they make life real rough<br />Them preacher men, they make life really rough<br /><br />(Chorus)<br />Give the tithe,<br />These cats they lie,<br />They care about guns<br />And all that jazz<br />But they take away my fun<br />I just want to sin a bit<br />But they try and take me on a guilt trip<br /><br />Calvinist preacher man<br />Yeah, I don't understand<br />Why he keeps talking 'bout repenting<br />And how a Christian's marked by different living<br />I think he's so very annoying<br />All I want is a little emotional toying<br />Them preacher men, they make life really rough<br /><br />(Chorus)<br />Give the tithe,<br />These cats they lie,<br />They care about guns<br />And all that jazz<br />But they take away my fun<br />I just want to sin a bit<br />But they try and take me on a guilt trip<br /><br />He wants me to give money<br />I don't think so, honey<br />I need a made in communist China flatscreen TV<br />It's made by slaves, but that don't concern me,<br />I want my football and I want it now<br />So pass the football, let's eat some cow<br />Them preacher men, they make life really rough<br /><br />Yeah, they make life so rough<br />I hate their guts and stuff<br />I wish they would all just disappear<br />Come on, get me out of hear<br />I can't bear another Bible verse<br />Especially not one that says I can't curse<br /><br />(Chorus)<br />Give the tithe,<br />These cats they lie,<br />They care about guns<br />And all that jazz<br />But they take away my fun<br />I just want to sin a bit<br />But they try and take me on a guilt trip<br /><br />"Did you see that preacher man?"<br />Run the other way, I said<br />He ain't good for you Uncle Bill, he ain't good<br />But he got up and went there, I knew he would<br />How he's done and got religious<br />He's such a silly pigeon<br />Yeah, watch out for Fundamentalist preacher men<br />Watch out for Fundamentalist preacher menJoel Garnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08940642789214543730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-22694571089231766162013-05-12T05:45:28.992+03:002013-05-12T05:45:28.992+03:00Of course, you can buy this Bible with your missed...Of course, you can buy this Bible with your missed-last-Sunday tithe.Omit Q. Hollowaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-28667108879734402002013-05-12T02:55:39.868+03:002013-05-12T02:55:39.868+03:00cat tithe guns acne
The U-Bible: Cat Lover's ...cat tithe guns acne<br /><br />The U-Bible: Cat Lover's Edition<br /><br />Do you think there should be more cats in the Bible? Tired of that lion in Samson's story being the only one. Jesus himself is called the Lion of Judah. We need more cats.<br /><br />What about that story where Rabshakeh threatened Hezekiah and his army? Suppose both sides of the battle had guns. What if Rabshakeh told them that their God told them to turn in their guns just as the other nations' gods had? They would not just have died in their sleep overnight. The cats would have come in and stolen their guns and left mousetraps everywhere.<br /><br />What if in 1 Kings 13 when the prophet got eaten by a lion after eating with another prophet that another cat came from Egypt to ruin all his clothes and papers until he grew acne from the smell? We could go miles and miles with the U-Bible Cat edition. 20 extra dollars and we'll throw in prayer cat nip for free.Meghan Newhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10831662232205100325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-71782498606454798162013-05-11T21:58:59.802+03:002013-05-11T21:58:59.802+03:00Introducing U-Bible. U as in You! The only Bible t...Introducing U-Bible. U as in You! The only Bible that you can customize yourself. Take out those unwanted verses. Add more in if you want. Change the stories to suit your tastes. <br /><br />Embarrassed by the plague on the Philistines in ! Samuel 5&6? No problem! Change it to acne.<br /><br />Raise the firepower in David's fight with Goliath by having him pull out a gun instead.<br /><br />Love those felines? How about changing Aaron's lines to "I threw it into the fire, and out came this cat."<br /><br />Don't like to tithe? Just remove all verses on giving with one click of the mouse.<br /><br />Get your's today for only 4 easy installments of $19.95. Operators are standing by.<br /><br />(The publishers assume no liability for any Rev. 22:18-19 judgment. Use at your own risk.)Persishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17686511618515789601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5882165486994692239.post-79576034767436788402013-05-11T12:32:44.149+03:002013-05-11T12:32:44.149+03:00"Did you give your tithe today at church?&quo..."Did you give your tithe today at church?"<br /><br />"Yes, dear."<br /><br />"Did you put the cat out?"<br /><br />"Yes, dear."<br /><br />"Did you sell your guns today at the gun show?"<br /><br />"Yes, honey, except for one."<br /><br />"Did you stop by the pharmacy and pick me up some acne medicine?"<br /><br />"I did."<br /><br />"Then read a short Psalm, turn out the lights and go to bed!"<br /><br />"Yes, sugar dumpling."Milo Whalemannoreply@blogger.com