Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A Word, A Song and an Observation

Why do some Arminians and their kin act like Calvinists have never seen
John 3:16?
The difference is in what is emphasized.
The Arminian stresses (or stretches) the "whosoever".
The Calvinist emphasizes the "whosoever BELIEVES'
shall not perish but have everlasting life.
Does God love the world? Certainly! He is the Creator of ALL!
Does God have a special love for His Bride?
You better believe it! He redeemed her for His own!
The Bride in Heaven will have no missing toes or fingers.
In other words, no one will be missing.

Matthew 1:21 says,  "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus,
for he will save his people from their sins.”

=======================

Here is a "hymn" a pastor sent me recently. I asked if I could use it on my blog and give him full credit but, he wanted to donate it to the cause, without official credit: 

To Me Be the Glory
(An Arminian Version of a Once Flawed Hymn)

To me be the glory, great thing I have done;
So loved I my God that I’ve chosen His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that ALL may go in.

Refrain:

Praise myself, praise myself,
I have made a good choice!
Praise myself, praise myself,
Such a cause to rejoice!
I’ve chosen the Father, and Jesus the Son,
Now give me the glory, a great thing I have done.

O perfect decision, which adds to His blood,
It causes salvation, or so hopes our God;
The vilest offender who we cause to agree,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

(Refrain)

Great thing I’ve accomplished, in subduing my sin,
And great my rejoicing through my decision;
How pure, and how high, and how great I must be
It’s mostly of Jesus, but some is by me.

(Refrain)

=======================

And now for a simple observation. You may have noticed this before...I just noticed it this morning while doing some anagrams. "Earth" and "Heart" both contain the same letters. I thought that went well with John 3:16.

And now, I close with a quote from Bruce Ware:
"As a wife is to relish, not resist, the exclusive love her husband has for her alone, so God’s people only know His deepest human-directed love as we relish, not resist, the fully unmerited and undeserved exclusive love that God has for His people alone.  These are the people of His making, of His redeeming, whom He has called by name, and who are called by His name.  To know the saving love of God in Christ is to know not merely the universal love of God for all people, but it is to know especially and most deeply this redemptive-covenantal love that God has exclusively for His own people.  As we close, hear afresh these precious words of comfort and admonition from 1 John:  “See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are.  For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be.  We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is” (1 John 3:1-2) “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10) 
So, embrace this special love, this redemptive-covenantal love of God for His own. Be humbled by it, be filled with joy over it, and be empowered to live lives that express the depth of our dependence upon and gratitude for such unspeakably lavish, costly, and undeserved love.

The Further Adventures of Mr. Timn


Just for Laughs #165

Even a Christian movie needs a caption.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Leaving Q8 Tonight

Leaving Kuwait tonight. Flying to the U.S. of A. to spend the summer with family and friends. Even though it appears that Corky needs more prayer than I...believe me, he doesn't. Pray for me and my family as we try and pack as much quality time in our stay. I left the Calvinistic Cartoons pantry stocked with goodies for your enjoyment and edification while I'm away. I'll stay in touch. 

Classics #16


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Piranha and Kin

Oh, gentle Piranha
With mouth open wide
In your waters
There's no place to hide
Bite me on the foot
Bite me on the hand
In a matter of seconds 
I'll be butchered like a dead cow at a hyena convention


Oh, gentle heretic
With mouth open wide
In your waters
There is poison with each tide
Looking for a victim
Looking for your prey
You should look both ways before crossing the street
'Cause you're about to be hit by a mega-ton eighteen-wheeler with a five-point engine, Calvinistic style.

Listen to M'Cheyne


Saturday, June 18, 2011

Question of the Day


By Request


Here is a poem, of sorts, that I handed in years ago,
for extra credit in my Minor Prophets class:

Not the Odyssey but "Theodicy"
by Eddie Eddings

Habakkuk the Embracer
Clung to God with his two questions:
Had God vacated His throne?
Should I order my tombstone?
All this violence and contention
Within Judah I might mention.
It seems that justice and devotion
Took a trip across the ocean!

God answers, Judah will be punished
Observe and wonder, be astonished
For I am raising up Chaldeans
Big, bad, ugly human be-uns.

So get this vision little Hab
You can put it on my tab
Sin always carries a heavy price.
I'll crush Babylon like a bag of ice.

Woe, Woe, Woe your boat
Gently down the stream
Return to me with all your heart
I've promised to redeem.

So live by faith and you will see
I've never been an absentee;
The Chaldeans were never fancy-free
I used them like an employee.
They're not getting out of this scot-free
When I "cross my heart" it's a guarantee
So you can have a Jubilee!

P.S. someday I will visit Galilee
My Son will hang upon a tree
That's when you'll really be set free!

Arminian Antics #57


Friday, June 17, 2011

Real Records You May Have Missed #38


Paul "Tex" Yearout talks to the NOW generation about the STEREO generation! I have heard about the NOW generation but had no idea that there was a STEREO generation...hmmm, guess Tex prevented it from spreading any further. I wonder how this would sound today. His next album should have been entitled, "Three Strikes and Yearout". Anyone out there who used to be part of the Stereo generation? My copy of this album is in mono.

Corky's Place

Corky Velveeta is taking a few days off to chill in his new apartment. He will be flying to an undisclosed place on Friday, June 24, on a special assignment for Calvinistic Cartoons. I will be leaving for the U.S. on Monday, June 20 with my wife, daughter and grand-daughter, for a much needed vacation. Corky likes long flights...I dread them. He can store plenty of snacks and beverages in his grenade costume. If you recognize him at the airport terminal, don't forget to walk up to him and say, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist". That phrase will win you a seven layer bundle of one thousand dollar bills. BCNU.

Random Word Writing Challenge #13

Write as many paragraphs as you like using the words above.
Entries may be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or interviews.
(or any other form of creatively written expression.)
Just be funny, clever and theological...
and please give your piece a TITLE.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Random Word Writing Challenge #12



Write as many paragraphs as you like using the words above.
Entries may be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or interviews.
(or any other form of creatively written expression.)
Just be funny, clever and theological...
and please give your piece a TITLE.

Fan Photo from Freen McLederhosen

Thanks, Freen, for sending this old ad that featured me as a child. I had forgotten all about this. I remember meeting Corky Velveeta the day before. He just appeared suddenly in my front yard and prevented me from running into the street where, seconds later, a car accident occurred.  
I am sending Mr. McLederhosen a check for $7,000 and a lifetime subscription to Century Magazine, the magazine that is published every 100 years.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Twilight Zone Award


I am humbled by this prestigious award and would like to thank all those involved in making Calvinistic Cartoons the semi-success that it is today. Please, everyone, stand up on your feet and look at the people around you. Now shake their hands and let them know that they are welcome in your home, anytime.

Arminian Antics #56


Friday, June 10, 2011

Logic and Humor Combo


This email came from my sister, Sandy, in Houston. I had to share it with you.


TO WHOM DOES THE LAND OF ISRAEL BELONG??

An Israeli Sense of Humor at United Nations set the record straight.
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.
A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, "What a good opportunity to have a bath!"
Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!
The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, "What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't there then."
The Israeli representative smiled and said, "
And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech."

Balloon Talk #12

Remember the Calvinistic Cartoons K.I.T. formula - Keep It Theological. I will pick one comment that I think is funny and fill in the balloon giving credit to the "winner". Don't worry about the size of the balloon, I can adjust it to your dialog. Just keep it short as possible. Only fill in the one balloon - don't add other dialog from someone else in the photo. Have fun and enjoy the laughs!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Balloon Talk #11


This has been a very difficult one, indeed, with so many outstanding comments. Each time I post a Balloon Talk, I want to display several separate captions! Opinions vary every entry and I have the task of choosing, or better, "electing" one to feature. I hope every new viewer will take the time to read ALL the comments that have been made. It just keeps getting better I tells ya!
And speaking of Balloon Talk...Friday, June 10, will be the last one until September. I will be on vacation and will not be able to Photoshop anything until I return to Kuwait. I will be reading and commenting daily and have many Just for Laughs and Random Word Writing Challenges scheduled for your active, sanctified imaginations. Thanks, everyone, for being a major part of the mix. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Balloon Talk #10

Remember the Calvinistic Cartoons K.I.T. formula - Keep It Theological. I will pick one comment that I think is funny and fill in the balloon giving credit to the "winner". Don't worry about the size of the balloon, I can adjust it to your dialog. Just keep it short as possible. Only fill in the one balloon - don't add other dialog from someone else in the photo. Have fun and enjoy the laughs!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Balloon Talk #9

Remember the Calvinistic Cartoons K.I.T. formula - Keep It Theological. I will pick one comment that I think is funny and fill in the balloon giving credit to the "winner". Don't worry about the size of the balloon, I can adjust it to your dialog. Just keep it short as possible. Only fill in the one balloon - don't add other dialog from someone else in the photo. Have fun and enjoy the laughs!

Monday, June 6, 2011

A New Hymn from an Emergent Hymnal

Pictured above is the new hymnal from Rob Bell's second cousin on his mother's side, Vern Mayfly, who edited the volume and wrote sixteen of the songs featured in the book. There is a hidden message in each of the "hymns" and this one is no exception:

Jesus help me grab the rope
Only you can toss me hope
Heaven is for all they say
Never to leave and go away
Christ helped me up when I was down
All souls are lost, all souls are found
Love wins big time in eternity now
Very soon everybody will choose to bow
I know my heart will love again
Never to sin against tree or men
Hell is really no place to fear
All who die will not go there
Devils and demons might stay awhile
Nobody else will walk that mile
Once people die they'll see the light
Closed eyes will open to the sight of
Love in sandals, robe and crown
Until that day we'll walk around
Ever witnessing to His love come down (hey nani nani and a hot cha cha)

So, as you can see, their theology is twisted, sister. Be warned.

Balloon Talk #8

Remember the Calvinistic Cartoons K.I.T. formula - Keep It Theological. I will pick one comment that I think is funny and fill in the balloon giving credit to the "winner". Don't worry about the size of the balloon, I can adjust it to your dialog. Just keep it short as possible. Only fill in the one balloon - don't add other dialog from someone else in the photo. Have fun and enjoy the laughs!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Fan Photo from Lateeka Greensleeves

Special kudos go out to Ms Lateeka Greensleeves for finding this old movie ad.
We knew had a past, we just didn't know it included the Rat Pack! 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Stretching the Truth

I had a co-worker, when working at the Dallas Morning News, who put in his resume that he had attended a certain prestigious college. He confided in me that he had just "walked through a few buildings while visiting the campus" one summer. He told me he could pass a lie detector test if need be. I have another friend who claims to visit royalty often. Come to find out, he justs eats at Burger King and Dairy Queen on weekends. In Dallas, there used to be a Mars Music Store. I could truthfully say I have been to Mars and back...but, that would be misleading. (No one ever believed me anyway...even with my space helmet on.) Back when I was in a rock band, I used to take credit for playing on the records the band had made - before I ever joined them. 
Have you ever "told a tale" that was partially true? If you say you haven't you are lying! Have you ever torn down the wall between imagination and information to make you look better in someone's eyes or to impress someone you're dating? If you have, remember, confession is good for the soul.   

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Blog of the Week

It's not just for girls y'know!

New Blue Moon June Calendar and Song Challenge

There are so many songs about the moon.
Blue Moon; It's Only a Paper Moon, Bad Moon Rising;
Blue Moon of Kentucky; Moonlight in Vermont;
Fly Me to the Moon; Moon River; etc., etc., etc.
Your challenge is to re-write one to make it a little more
Calvinistic in some way.
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