Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mark This Record

This is actually a fan photo from Herbie Popnecker, a long-time fan of the old Rifleman TV series. Pictured above is Johnny Crawford who played Mark McCain, Lucas McCain's only son. It's great to know he is playing Big Band Music and recording some of the songs I wrote for his band. I didn't want to mention this before, since I have been studying about humility and all. So Herbie, for uncovering this rare, present day album, I am sending you a check for $3,742.19

Just for Laughs #67

This is the last Just for Laughs of the year
so make it a theologically good one!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Strange Sheet Music

I came across this old sheet music by Irving Berlin yesterday while trying to get to Narnia in an old wardrobe. This is one of Irv's lesser known works and there is a reason he mentions Pink in his song. Story goes that Pink was expounding the Doctrines of Grace one evening on a train bound for Mobile, Alabama. Irving Berlin walked in not realizing a church service was going on and politely sat down in back. Pink ended his sermon and asked Irv if he would like to close in prayer. Irving Berlin asked everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes, then slipped out the back door of the train. Irving never got over his cowardice and later wrote this song. He sent it to A.W. with a hand-written apology and the first draft of "I'm Dreaming of a Pink Christmas" which Mr. Berlin later changed to "White".

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Greatest Evangelism Tool

This bit of sound advice comes from calmcoolandelected from Grace Forums. She said her pastor twittered this message:
"The greatest evangelism tool that you will ever have is your dining room use it!"

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Original Cover of Non-Existent Book

When is an original page not an original page?
When it's Photoshopped to look like one.
But, I would have liked to own this issue!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Suitable for Framing

You may have to enlarge this cover
to discover the hidden agenda.

Fan Photo from Sterling Holloway

Thanks my LOST friend for taking this photo while in Hawaii a few weeks ago. Pictured is Josh Holloway, the actor who plays Sawyer on the TV series LOST.
It's good to see he is reading something worthwhile. If you have any more photos that tie into Calvinisitic Cartoons in some way send 'em on! I will be sending you a check for $5,000.02 for your trouble. Thanks and have a Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 18, 2009

List Your Calvinistic Blog Here!

Okay. all you bloggers who love the Doctrines of Grace...give a little info and supply a link to your blog. You have to be a Calvinist to do this. And you have to have your own blog. (it was predestined for you my friends) (sorry, my Arminian buddies, after all, this is a Calvinistic blog y'know)  I want to give you the opportunity to advertise your site here at Calvinistic Cartoons. Share the wealth of information and grace, so to speak. Don't be shy. This is meant to add more viewers and followers to your blog. (I know there must be more Calvinists out there somewhere...)

Blog Discovery

In my quest to bring you the very best, I have come across a very unique blog. Les Lanphere is a Professional and Freelance Web, Graphic, and Motion Graphics Artist. He's also an amateur Film Maker. Being a cartoonist and graphic artist myself, I was struck by the beauty and content of his marvelous work. I bookmarked it and thought I would let you have the same option. Consider it my Christmas present to all of you who read Calvinistic Cartoons. Just click here!


A fine find

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A Letter From Dr. Foreman Chrysler

Dear Eddie,
I wanted you and your readers to know that I am coming out with a book entitled, "Death Row and Free Will". In this volume you will find my firm belief that free will is  more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound, and if you look up in the sky, you may find yourself saying, "It's Super-Will"!
Let me explain. I believe that we are made in the likeness of God and so we have a free will. Which means we can freely choose good or evil. Just like...well come to think about it, God doesn't have a will like that. He can only choose good. Forget that last part and just accept the fact that it is BIBLICAL! ...okay, it's not actually mentioned in Scripture that way...okay, forget that part! Here's an illustration I once heard from a mysterious deacon who came to our church and never returned. (He may have been an angel for all we know):

Billy Barty is a man on death row. He is evil through and through. Hates everything and everybody! He will be executed at midnight. He is alone in his cell and can hear sixteen or seventeen prisoners playing their harmonicas. He has eaten his last meal, a Happy Meal with extra fries and a toy figure of Johnny Appleseed.
He has but thirteen minutes before he walks his last steps to the gas chamber and electric chair where he will get a lethal injection before they hang him. He starts to think about what Nipsy Russell once said. "Billy, why not turn your life around right now, before you are executed by the state!" Nipsy said that no more than five minutes ago, so it's still fresh in his mind.
Billy refuses to repent and is executed.
Billy opens his eyes and sees a light. He follows that light for half a mile or so. Then he hears a voice from above..."Billy Barty, use your free will to set yourself free! You can do it! It's the only chance you have...murderer."
Billy agrees and is now happy as a animated hamster in a plastic tunnel. His free will made him choose the right path.

Of course, in my book, I go into depth. But I think you will see my side is the best side, because I have built such a strong case. The book, which is bound to be a best seller, is published by Raca Publications and goes on sale in May.
Yours freely,
Dr. Foreman Chrysler

Dear Dr. Chrysler,
The only strong case you ever built was a mahogany book shelf. You should stick to making book cases and chairs.

On the Road to Hell

Crude Oil Arminian Style

One of the definitions for Crude:
"not processed or subjected to analysis"

Monday, December 14, 2009

Baby Edwards

Time Travel for Laughs

Time traveler, Tim Micer, has the right idea! He is traveling back to the Calvinistic Cartoons archives and adding some very funny comments and captions. Some of these will be used in the future in my "Something Old Something New" feature. These new humorous lines will be seen in the "recent comments" section on the right of the site. So turn on the time machine, let it warm up for a few seconds, and locate an old entry that needs some improvement! It would be a "crime" (that's "Micer" scrabbled) to leave your funny side of the brain in limbo. (No, I don't believe in limbo...except for the dance and the pole thing that you go under with music and fun and the pineapples and the rhythm and the falling...oh laady!)

Philosophy in need of a Physician

Friday, December 11, 2009


Cult Following

Fan Photo from Mandy Hootenanny

Thanks for sending your discovery our way Mandy! Your check for $5,000 and a set of Ginsu knives are on their way! Here is the letter Mandy Hootenanny wrote:

Dear Eddie,
Enclosed in this envelope is a photo of an Abbott and Costello postcard I found in one of my father's books. I think it was from "In the Navy", one of my dad's favorite movies. I know you pay well for information of this kind and wanted to let you know that I need $5,000 for Christmas and a set of Ginsu knives. I go to the Second Baptist Church of the Active Volcano in Stromboli, Italy and need to move to Poptart, Minnesota for safety.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Twilight Zone

Politically Incorrect Christmas Poem

The following is a poem sent to me by Bill Corrie, a great Bible teacher and friend in Dallas. Someone sent this to him, so I have no idea who the author is. Thought you might enjoy it.

T'was The Month Before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ' Holiday.
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Twilight and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Target was hanging their trees upside down
At Lowes the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS , not Happy Holiday!
Please, all Christians join together and wish everyone you meet during
the holidays a MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christ is 'The Reason' for the Christmas Season!

Rare Spurgeon Busts

Just for Laughs #63

Good news or bad news?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Check Books

This is just FYI (for your inconvenience) - These two books I wrote and illustrated are still available on line. I was paid fully for each volume so I gets no royalties. Just thought I would mention it because I say a copy on Ebay going for $39.64 which is totally ridiculous! You can find them at Barnes & Noble (no relation to Perry Noble) online for under $2.00 each and elsewhere used copies are going for less than a nickle. Really. I have two other books published by Baker Book House (Laugh & Learn and Laugh & Learn Too) which can be found floating around cyberspace somewhere. You may see these popping up in future postings in the background somewhere.
John MacArthur writes the intro to both. And, believe it or not, the More Awesome Truth has an additional intro by Paige Patterson (of the John 3:16 Conference). Even though every page is loaded with Calvinistic theology!

Youthful Appearance

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